About ‘Negative Influences’ - Here’s Why Pessimistic Companions Can Benefit You Personally
Personally am hungry for wisdom from others on dealing with midlife challenges, for example deep inner questions, diminishing importance, developing a neck like a Salvador Dalí clock plus a fresh interest about property shows. Lately, I came across Jamie Oliver’s words about hitting fifty during a chat: “To thrive in life’s later stages, you must cut out distractions,” he explained. “Spend time with positive individuals. I steer clear of downbeat types – ‘energy vampires’ – and am learning to decline more often.”
My first thought was: isn’t there a tension between “avoiding negative people” and “getting better at saying no”? Might that suggest he must escape his own nature? I realize – that’s typical energy vampire talk, and I admit I fit the description. However, among our group, we favor the term “energy drainer”. Steer clear of labels like “killjoy” or “buzzkill” – equating us to mundane objects hurts; we do experience emotions (even if they’re mostly bleak). If forced, I’d agree to “gloomy soft cover”.
Perhaps you’re one too. Do you tend to be the event’s realist rather than its cheerleader? When you give an exhaustive answer to “How are you?”, does the other person slowly retreat? Do you greet “fun” activity suggestions with an expression that makes you look like you’ve swallowed a slug? Do you strongly identify with Eeyore; has a psychic ever told you your aura is grey?
If so, you’re one of us, but it’s OK. Despite a whole self-help-inspired trend urging people to get rid of friends who “drain” them, I’d argue we offer real value. I reckon a mood hoover would have said something discouraging – or at least made a slug-swallowing face – when Jamie described his plan to write a kids’ book with an Australian First Nation main character without consulting Indigenous communities, which could have prevented a whole lot of problems, upset and offence. That level of honest feedback is rare among “upbeat” individuals.
